“I didn’t get empathy from Borthwick”: Ben Youngs opens up on the hardest years of his life
Ben Youngs, England’s most-capped men’s player with 127 appearances and a veteran of four World Cups, has reflected candidly on the strain behind the milestones. Retired from Test rugby at the end of 2023 and having played his final Leicester Tigers match in the Premiership final in June, the former scrum-half says the personal turmoil that shadowed his career made it difficult to embrace his records at the time.
“I found it hard, I really did,” he admits, recalling how he would look down at the ground when his longevity was mentioned. While Youngs represented England, his family was living through profound challenges: his sister-in-law Tiffany’s long battle with blood cancer and his brother-in-law Jake’s diagnosis with motor neurone disease. The juxtaposition of public achievement and private grief left him feeling as though he was putting himself ahead of others as loved ones faced terminal illness.
Family trauma and the weight of expectation
Youngs describes the emotional dissonance of test-match preparation amid hospital updates and family worries. The routine of elite sport became a coping mechanism, yet it also amplified guilt. He played on, carrying the responsibility of a high-profile career while his brother and sister coped with unimaginable loss.
Coaching environments: Borthwick and Eddie Jones
In reflecting on how different head coaches shaped his experience, Youngs says he did not feel he received empathy from Steve Borthwick in the way he needed during those difficult periods. By contrast, he reserves praise for Eddie Jones, whom he rates highly. The subtext is not a simple comparison of styles, but a reminder of how leadership and man-management can affect players far beyond tactics and training loads.
Living with a record, learning to talk about it
Now retired from international duty, Youngs is giving public voice to what he carried in silence. The cap record and World Cup memories sit alongside the reality of grief and resilience. With space and time, he can acknowledge both his on-field achievements and the human story behind them — one of family, endurance and the complexities of elite sport.
For fans, Youngs’s reflections illuminate the pressures that can accompany success, and the importance of empathy in high-performance environments. For players, it’s a reminder that vulnerability and honesty can coexist with competitiveness and leadership.
